RIP AB

Anthony Bourdain’s death hit me harder than a celebrity’s has ever before. In recent years, if you don’t remember, the world has lost singers, actors, writers, comedians – many many people. In other words, my adolescence has seen countless famous people die in countless ways. It was not until Bourdain’s death though that I truly felt sad, depressed even over someone’s death who was completely unrelated to me.

It is not really his relationship to me, through his tv shows or tweets or books or anything else that made his suicide hurt so much. I was never an avid follower of his, I watched No Reservations and Parts Unknown with my mum whenever I was back from school. I laughed at his tweets and the anger he had towards many of the same people and companies that angered me. I had the same relationship most people did with the man, a distant but still warm feeling. Like he was a lighthouse that kept people away from the Bullshit which might impede us as we went along in life. He was acerbic, and brilliant but also extremely successful. He was most people’s favourite celebrity chef because that was merely one of the hats he wore in life.

What made his death so painful was that it was suicide. That his anger and pain and whatever else sunk him all while he was trying to keep others from doing the same. It was, is, so tragic.

On Friday, when it happened, I remember opening twitter first thing like I do most days to skim the headlines and see what is going on. But, once I saw the news, I couldn’t focus on anything else. I just lay there with my dog and held him tight. I don’t know why I’m writing about this. It is just very scary to think that one could achieve so much in life and still feel so alone. So in pain. It is sad and scary. Perhaps, the suicide of Kate Spade earlier that week primed me, I just didn’t follow her life and exploits as closely as Bourdain’s.

I am not sure how to close off these ramblings other than to say speak to those around you if you are feeling alone. Because, it is not easy but eventually if you work at it it becomes just a feeling and not a truth which you hold. It is tricky and nebulous to say the least, but there’s always someone who wants you to be smiling. Bourdain has a kid and a significant other. He had success suffusing his every move. Life is to good to be wasted.

-Clay

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