One of the things I struggle with the most in life is trust.
It’s hard to be trusting of much when you are unsure of how you fit into it all, of how you are meant to engage with certain things. Usually, you are taught at a young age what your place is, and I guess that’s a good thing, I wouldn’t know.
I’ve always been one to remain on the outside looking in, I think it’s why I took to writing so easily. What this does though, is tell you everything about everyone else without ever ensuring that you look within. There’s no self-service, self-care to life necessarily.
I try everyday to remind myself to think about myself more conscientiously but it can be hard. Other people’s issues seem to be easily fixable. Life can seem like a chessboard, but it isn’t. It’s not anything metaphorical and that’s what annoys me I guess.
I don’t know though, that that is bad. I just think to expect something from life when you don’t expect anything from yourself is anathema. The power of a person always comes from within.
I recently read some of Burke’s comments vis-a-vis the French Revolution. He said it would fail and actually predicted many of the tragic outcomes to come from it.
But, an interesting part of Burke is his connection to modern conservatism. He is basically the founder of it. He talks a lot about property rights, and social order and also the benefits of being prejudiced.
He said that all good conservatives, in more 18th century terms, have a certain inherent prejudice, a certain knowledge of why some things are better/more established/more esteem-able than others.
His answer is because that’s just the way things are.
This, I guess, is the benefit of distrust. To not be like Burke. To just see things simply.
I think it would be exhausting to always read into things. For me, life is about being true to myself. If there is more meaning than that, let me know.
-Clay
Clayton Tomlinson 