For the first time in a while, I’m free of responsibility. I’ve been both in school and working at The Journal, the Queen’s student paper, since the beginning of September. The paper is fast-paced and has been keeping my mind busy for a few months.
I’m not complaining, this semester has been the most rewarding – physically, mentally, emotionally, for my writing – one I’ve had. What’s weird is when all those great things suddenly come to a halt.
It’s like I’ve been madly in love with a girl and she with me only for that to just end all of sudden.
I don’t know what to do with all this free time. I keep checking the messaging app we use at work to see what’s going on, I’ve been even checking events for December even though we don’t publish our next issue till after the new year.
It’s also weird because the only time after school that I will be so free of responsibility is when I don’t have a job. So, that’s a bit odd because I’ve been really lazy and hope that if I’m ever taking EI (Canadian equivalent of getting money for not having a job) I will not be.
But, that’s not really something to worry about for the time being.
My life is on such an upswing too. I’ve met so many amazing people and seen so many great works of art – the rejuvenating effect it’s had has been the most profound I’ve experienced since childhood.
I don’t know what exactly it’s taught me, the Journal, this semester or even the relationships I’ve made. For some reason I feel different. I feel like one of those restless people in a TV show who has always been successful but suddenly has to stop that thing they love for some stupid reason.
I understand the similarities are somewhat tenuous but it’s more that I see myself in success now. I never really did before – I always knew I’d do something big with my life. But before this semester I wasn’t sure if that would be anything more than a beautiful family, a few stories and a book to my pen name.
Now, I don’t know. Now, the world is my oyster (to be a bit trite). I guess there’s something to be said about how easy this 180 has been. But, I’m selfish and this is a blog about me – but I shall not deny my luck in life either. But as I said, it’s all about me.
One thing I especially liked is all the different styles of writing I’ve been doing this semester. The blog, the paper and my creative stuff are all different. It’s not that I affect any certain aspects, and thus am disingenuous, in these different forms of expression. Instead, they allow me to express myself in very different ways about very different things.
At the paper, I talk about art. Here I talk about myself and my life. And in my stories, I look at vastly different things that peak my curiosity. From cameras not being able to capture life truly to the issues with dating a person from another culture (Quite a few!).
Maybe, though, the benefit of not having the paper as a form of expression and a huge eater of my time is that I can now look at what else I’ve got. One thing I’ve wanted is to be a little more conscientious with my friends.
Whenever I get busy with things that are usually writing related, I drop out of my life a bit. I get sucked into this world, this other world that is at my fingertips and sometimes infinitely more pleasurable than the real one.
But, of course fantasies only work as long as you don’t realize you are dreaming. Then they become hard-to-swallow. I guess, that’s what’s happened. I can’t preoccupy myself with work and that sort of thing to the same degree and I’ve become bored.
Not the worst problem to have, but a problem all the same.
Perhaps I should stop typing to you, dear Reader, and go get a coffee instead.
-Clay
Clayton Tomlinson 